the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
