Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Can I color on your dick again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
