Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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