Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We had to coat check the pizza.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
