Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
