this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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