yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
