Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
