Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
