You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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