i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
