She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
