do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
