We won't sleep together?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize