I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
