my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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