literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
