if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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