when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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