sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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