I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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