my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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