it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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