Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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