Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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