alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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