so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
