we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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