It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
