Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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