Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
