the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
