bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
