So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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