Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
