Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
