I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
