He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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