Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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