She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
