I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
