So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
