The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
