Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
