If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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