I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
