hell yes lets make some ravioli
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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