apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
