great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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