Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
