no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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