I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
