Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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