you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
