the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
