I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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