3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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