hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The adults are the big ones right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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