Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
