There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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