I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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