weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
