you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize