The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
