you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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