I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
