things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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