saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
