Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
