I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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