i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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