sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
