I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
