I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
