Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He passed out mid-signature
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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